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Tomorrow will be the 10th anniversary of my son's death, I cannot believe it has been 10 years. My heart aches today, knowing tomorrow is going to be an even harder day. I was posting pictures of Brandon this week on my Facebook account, I memorial to my son, I will do this everyday until his birthday February 28th. It is therapeutic for me, gives me the opportunity to look back on all the good times we had with him. He was a beautiful blond haired baby, who grew into a handsome blond hair, browned eyed young man. I wish I would have been able to watch this young man grow, but God had other plans for him. I have to think that there was a reason he had to leave us, I believe that we all have our predestined time to die. That is the time when all of our work here on earth has been done and it is time to move on to eternal happiness, peace and joy. I have to believe that I will see him again when I die, that is what keeps me sane.
I believe that Brandon continues to send me messages that he is okay. Just last night, right as I was posting a picture on Facebook of him with some of his high school friends, I had a knock at my door. I opened the door and Brandon's good friend Pablo was there, I haven't seen or spoke to Pablo in over 1 1/2 years. He said he was riding by on his motorcycle, saw Jay's truck and hoped that we still lived in our house. So he decided to stop in. The timing of this visit was perfect, coincidence some might say, but since Brandon died too many incidents like this has happened for them all to be coincidence. Pablo told me right away that he had a dream of Brandon two nights before. He said the dream was so real he thought for a moment he was still alive, but then realized he was dead, told Brandon in his dream, "You are dead" and started to cry. Brandon said to him "dude it is okay". Pablo has had some tough times that he is working through and he told me that he dreams of Brandon often and maybe he is one of his guardian angels. I believe this to be true, because Brandon was always concerned about Pablo when he was alive. Yes, they did some crazy things together, the way teenage boys do. But I remember times when Brandon would have a serious conversation with me about what Pablo had been through in his life and I saw the compassion he had for him. He was a good friend to Brandon and Brandon to him.
Little things like this keeps my faith strong that my son is trying to tell me that he is okay. He had such a strong spirit, in life as well as in death. I hope that he can see how much we love him. I am counting on him to watch over his sister, Brittni, because he can do more from heaven than I can here on earth. He always harassed her when he was alive, but at the same time as very protective. She misses him terribly, being only 13 years old when he died, she has moments now that the grief comes upon her so hard. I think at 13 she didn't have the coping skills to deal with this type of trauma, so I think that as she has gotten older she is trying to deal with it now. I feel for her, she had a brother that should be here to help her with life issues that come up, but he is gone, she feels as if she is alone. Of course she knows Jay and I are here for her, but I know that having siblings to share experiences, talk about issues going on in your life and help guide you is important. I am so sad that she doesn't have Brandon here.
Life without my son is hard to handle, but we keep taking one step after another, we have been at it for 10 years now, this is something that my family will have to deal with forever. It is never going to stop hurting, yes we continue with our daily lives, but Brandon is never far from our thoughts. He is with us in our hearts and will be until we see him again in heave.
