Why

Here I am again, with that same question that plagues me so often.  Why do young people have to die to soon.  Is it true that God has a plan for us before we are born?  I have to believe that, because that is the only thing that makes any sense to me on why some have such short lives.  Do we as parents of children who have died learn a lesson from these tragedies that almost break us?  Is it part of our plan, to learn that we can survive all the pain and suffering that goes along losing a child?  I don't like this lesson if that is the case, because I believe that losing a child is a grief that lasts forever, changing you from the person you were before the death to someone who has walked in the darkest path imaginable, but managed to come out to the light, but never completely.  Maybe part of the lesson is for us who have lost children is to be able to understand and feel compassion for others in our shoes, because in my opinion you have to have lived this to fully understand the devastation that is does to the souls of the families involved.  It changes everyone in the family, in very different ways.  Each have their own burden to carry, each deal with the death in their own way.  The pain is always there, everyone reacts in their own way to it.  I find myself drawn to people I don't even know well who have lost a child, it is as if I am connected to them in a way that may seem bizarre to most, but I know they can relate to what I feel and the somehow I don't feel so alone in my grief.

My family lost another member, my brother and sister-in-law raised her brother since he was four years old, I would consider him their son.  His name was Erik, he was 46 years old and died unexpectedly of a heart attack.  I was speaking to my sister-in-law and she said that when she thinks of Erik, she thinks of him as a little boy.  I do the same with Brandon, yes I do think of the 18 year old teenager he was when he died, but more often I think of him as a little boy.  I miss him, I sometimes think to myself why didn't I hug him more often, maybe not get mad at all the little things.   He was a handful that is a known fact, but I wish now that I could have just relished him more before it was too late.  Maybe that is my lesson, try more to appreciate my time now and not worry so much about the future, because we are only guaranteed the moment....the future is not in our control and it can be taken from us in a blink of an eye.