One Year Anniversary of My Father's Death

Today is the one year anniversary of my father's death.  I am remembering him with all of the good memories he left me with.  He was always kind to me, I was his baby and I loved it.  He was the one man in my life that I knew would always be there for me.  Loved me no matter what and he always had a way to just make me feel secure.

My dad was my rock after my son's death.  He would call me everyday to see how I was doing.  He would chat about how much both of us missed Brandon.  He loved Brandon so much and I knew he understood my pain and most importantly he would talk about it with me.  He had suffered many losses in his life and I think this enabled him to be opened about his feelings.  So many struggle with this after a death, they don't know what to say or they don't want to talk about it because it hurts too much.

My father loved my children in the same way he love me during my childhood.  He was a wonderful grandpa, always attending all of their sporting event, birthdays and just truly enjoying them.  He would sneak candy to the kids before breakfast when my mother wasn't looking, just because he knew they would like the treat.  He understood Brandon better than anyone.  I relied on him to help me with Brandon, especially when he was being unruly.  Dad could always reason with Brandon, when no one else was able.  I think this must have been because Brandon sensed that unconditional love he gave and probably felt safe and secure with him, just as I did.  There were so many times that he came to get Brandon or Brandon went over to his house when things were not going well at home or when trouble was brewing.  My dad could calm Brandon like no other.  God not only gave me a great dad, but also I great mentor for my son.

I remember Brandon telling me that he could never go to my parents funeral.  He didn't have to endure that, he left us first.  I went to the grave to put flowers on my dad's grave and Brandon's, I didn't cry for the first time at the grave.  I still felt numb, broken hearted and had such a longing to talk to both of them, but my tears didn't come as usual.  As I sat at the graves, I looked at both the tombstones, thinking about these two men who mean the world to me and about how much they both taught me about life.  I miss them, but I am also very grateful to have had them in my life.

Thank you dad for loving me, giving me the foundation I need to be strong.  Life has thrown some pretty  big curve balls my way, but I feel that you helped me know that I will survive, taught me to stand up for myself and gave me confidence to live life on my terms, and "to hell with everyone else" as you would have said, to those who have brought turmoil into my life.  You are and always will be my hero.