Life Goes On

Today is my 52nd birthday, where has the time gone.  It is strange to think that I have lived more than half my life already.  Life goes by so fast, I think you realize that as you get older and look back.  Maybe that is why as you age I believe you get much more wise.  Life experiences, both good and bad, form the person that you are and of course as you age you have more experiences, therefore you have learned from all of the events that have occured and this gives you more knowledge.  Sometimes society feels as if the old do not really have much to offer, but in reality they have more experience with every year they have lived and if we were smart we would listen and value their opinions much more than our current society does.  The have learned many lessons along the way.  As I get older I realize my body and mind is changing, that scares me, I don't want to feel old, it is weird to think that I have less time ahead of me than the time that I have behind me.  I have been blessed and also I have lived through my own hell, I hope that I will take the lessons that I have learned from all my experiences and apply them in a positive way for the coming years.  I miss my family....my son, my daughter (thank God she is still here on this earth), my mother (not the same woman I grew up with because she is now stricken with Alzheimers), my dad (who health has deteriorated to the point that he cannot even walk alone).  I have lived through the death of my son, my living hell, but today I looked at pictures of my life and have to say that I have had some great moments.  The best of those moments spent with my family, my children my gift from God, they were and are the most important part of my life.  When I was in 20's, 30's, and 40's my life seemed normal, of course there were times of stress, but as I look back I was very lucky. I thank God for those years and I just wish that I knew at the time really how lucky I was and enjoyed those moments more.  My mid-forties were horrible, my life as I knew it feel apart, I loss my son....life as I had known it would never be the same, still isn't, never will be.  But now that I am in my 50's I am trying to look at all of the challenges that I have had and try to learn from them, appreciate the ones I love more, live life in a more simple way, stay focused on what is really important, learn that I need to look forward to the upcoming years because I know that I will be more wise with each year, so I need to believe more in myself and as usual for me not pay attention to what others say.  I am becoming a wise elder, that is something to celebrate.