Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a day to show appreciation to your mother for all she has done for you.  My mother is strong willed, even though she has alzheimer disease her will still at times shines through.   She never had to tell me how much she loved me, I just knew by her actions.  Never was there a time in my life did I question if she loved me or not.  She was tough and strict, as I was growing up, I didn't always agree with her, but I always loved her.  She spanked me when I was younger, told me when she thought I was wrong and very opinionated.  I have turned out to be like my mother.  I have the same traits and I am proud of her for raising me to be the woman that I am.  She taught me morals and pulled me back in line when I step out of the boundaries.  She taught me that no matter how tough things get or how much we argued she would always be there for me when times got tough.  My mother held our family together, it is hard to see her the way she is now.  But then again she seems to be okay and no longer has to worry about things like she use to.

I am not the easiest person to get along with, because I was speak my mind, even sometimes when I should hold my tongue.  As a mother, I love my children with all my heart, just the way my mother taught be by her actions.  This isn't to say that having me as a mother is an easy task, just ask Brittni.  I can be difficult,  but I also know that she feels that I love her unconditionally.  This is the most important thing for me, to let my child know that I will always be there for her, no matter what.  I am like a mother bear when it comes to protecting my child, I can do and say whatever I want, but others better beware if they bring any harm to her in anyway.

Mother's Days is a difficult time for me, because Brandon is not here.  It makes me sad and as much as I hate to admit it, a bit jealous of all the mothers who have all their children still with them.  I know it isn't fair for me to feel this way, I would not wish the pain of losing on a child on anyone, even my worst enemy.  But I still cannot help that emotion from rearing it's ugly head.  I am damaged and I know that, broken like a glass vase that you glue back together.  It stays together for the most part, but sometimes it just falls apart and breaks again in the same place.   That is how your heart feels after you have lost a child.   A feeling my family know much too well.

This Mother's Day I am going to think about how proud I am of my daughter, Brittni, who is graduating college in May.  I will also think of all the good times I had with Brandon.  I am glad that I had the opportunity to know the love that a mother has for her children.  I am thankful to be a mother and always thankful for having the mother that I did.