Another Birthday Without You

Today I turn 55 years old, every time any milestone comes around my thoughts go to you.  Still after all of these years I try to understand why you cannot be here to celebrate our life events.  Your dad, sister and I still go through day to day life, but we all changed the day you died.  Each one of us try our best to cope with our own agony of  losing you.  This morning when I awoke knowing it was my birthday, the first thought I had was of you, Brandon.

As I sit here and think about all the times when you were here, again I remember you laugh, your smile, your energy and how much I always worried about you.  My tears don't flow as much as they use to, maybe this is healing.  I watch my friends become grandparents, you would have been 31 years old, maybe I would have been a grandmother too if you would have lived. At 55 years old today, I am blessed, I have your sister, dad, good friends and my health.  I try not to dwell on my broken heart and the part of me that died at the same time I lost you.  I know that grief is not just emotional, but we also feel it physically, right now my heart literally hurts because you are not here.

I write in this blog as if I am writing to you, maybe as I sit here at my computer you can see me from heaven, read the words that I type.  You are always going to be a part of me, my love for you will always be with me, I just wish that was enough to take away my feelings of sadness.  I miss you, everyday, but especially on these special days that you should be hear with us.