A Random Day

Today was one of those random days where for no specific reason I woke up feeling as if I was transported back into time at the place where I was in my first stage of grief. I don't understand why this happens, but there are definitely days like these that blind side me every so often. My heart aches, it is physical as well as emotional, when your child dies, I believe that it is impossible to completely recover. Today was a day for grieving Brandon's death, these days are uncomfortable for some around me, but I do believe they help with the ongoing healing process. They are not pleasant, more like torturous, but familiar. I don't think any parent can comprehend the thought of life without the child they created, I believe it is just too painful to even think of the possibility. But to those of us who have survived, and believe me I use the word survive in its true meaning, because that is all you can do at the beginning is just make it through each day, we have a complete understanding of what agony it really is. I think this is the reason that I have these random days, I am still processing Brandon's death, even after all of this time. I also think these will continue for the rest of my life, it is just the way it is. I make it through most days like a normal person, then these random days hit me and I am reminded of all the damage my son's death has done to a me. I am just glad that this day is over and maybe my next random day might be a little less painful.