Dreams of a Brighter Future

Another month has gone by, time flies, and here I am contemplating my life again.  We all get caught  up in our daily routines that sometimes we stop dreaming of our future.  Life is not easy, I believe this to be true for everyone, even those we think have a perfect life I am sure they have had some hard times in one way or the other.  I am probably a bit unique on what I want for my future.  I don't want to live the status quo life that most of us end up living, I want to experience new things, new cultures and out of the ordinary experiences, but here I sit on my computer writing this blog instead of going out and making my dream a reality.  Maybe that is all it really is, a dream.  I need to find the courage to explore my possibilities, my life has had more than its share of pain, maybe that is why I feel the need to live my life in a different way than most.  I need to be more proactive with living my dream, but is it frightening, we all get so caught up in our  day to day life and for most change is difficult.  But you know, the only one that can make my dreams of a future come to light is me.  Yes, I have others that I need to take into consideration, that is what I have always done, put their needs above my own.  I think is just my nature and my priority has and will never be myself, first and foremost, it is my daughter.  She is 21 years old now, an adult, but still my baby and always will be.  I realize because of my son's death that children are our most precious gift we can receive here on earth, at least for me.  She has her own life to live, but every idea that I have about my own life I think of how it will affect her.  Brittni still suffers emotionally from the trauma she has lived through, I feel that I need to protect her from anything that will cause her more pain.  This isn't reality because life is all about joy and pain.

I want to live near the ocean, where I can hear the crashing waves, because this is calming to me.  I would like to try a more simple life with less stress.  Everyday I would like to take a moment to really look at nature, the sunset, the ocean, the birds and appreciate what we were given, instead of worrying about everything.  This is probably something everyone would like to have, most of us think is isn't possible, but I believe that if there is a will there is a way.  I am sure that we have to give up some things to attain others and change is difficult.  It is hard to change habits and lifestyles that we have had for years, but sometimes I believe it is necessary to find our true self.

I am going to start writing down a list of what I need to do to make my life more peaceful, that is a start and then decided what items on the list is really a possibility, because I know some on the items will not be possible for me, I know that even before I start.  Maybe I need to find a way to let go of what I think I should do and learn to act more on what I want to do.  This is easy to say, but hard to do.